Den, as now...

OK.  So Sunday morning I wake up before my alarm and stagger, half asleep, towards the bathroom.  When I step into the hall, there in the middle of the hall is Dalton, our neighbor's huge, long-haired, grey Persian cat!  We both kinda freeze in surprise, staring at one another, thinking, "Where the heck did he come from?!?!"  Then Dalton turns and flees into The Den!

Hmmm... The Den.  What can be said about The Den?  The Den is actually a pocket universe that really exists elsewhere, so that it is larger on the inside than it appears to be from the outside.  The Den contains STUFF!  

As you know, STUFF is made up of things of varying importance, piled both hazardly and haphazardly in wondrously unstable structures ready to bury would-be interlopers in a cascade of STUFF!  

Also, The Den is inhabited by an unusually large Shuffle (Shuffles are known to coexist with packrats and clutterbugs.  They are those strange entities that important things get lost in. "Have you seen the Penny's catalogue?"  "Well, it used to be here at the end of the couch, but apparently it got lost in the Shuffle.")

The Den is utilized as a naptime retreat by our cats, Barbie and Lucky.  Apparently they are on good terms with the Shuffle, as they have never gotten lost in it.  They never get buried in any cascades either, so, apparently they are naturalized citizens of The Den, rather than interlopers.

So you can see why I was concerned that Dalton had bolted into The Den!  If I couldn't coax him out then I'd have to become an interloper, and go in after him, which was a risky proposition, even for an experienced interloper like me!  Needless to say, my attempts at coaxing Dalton out of The Den, woke up Bonnie.

"Wha...?"
"I'm trying to coax Dalton out of The Den."
"What's Dalton doing in The Den?"
"Hiding."
"How'd Dalton get in our house?!"
"I have no idea."

Now that that was settled I made a tour of the house and sure enough all of the windows and doors were secured.  Suddenly, Heinlein's book, "The Cat Who Walked Through Walls" came to mind.  But Dalton strikes me as too lazy to expend any effort along those lines.

During my inspection, Bonnie darts out of the house to "check on something"... a minute later I hear her whistling from The Den.  I poke my head into The Den door and I see her head poking around the drapes that cover the sliding glass door on the far side of The Den.  She waves at me and says, "Come take a look."  So I take the shortest route, time-wise, via the front door, around the garage, through the back gate, and onto the back deck where Bonnie is standing and Dalton is sunning himself!

There, like a glittering pile of diamonds on the deck, are squarish shards of safety glass below where the solid, unmoving half of the sliding glass door used to be.  And all that is left of the panel are two irregular triangles of cracked glass in the upper corners.   Lying on the deck near the pile of shards is our garden rake that usually leans against the garage with the other garden tools.  Obviously this was tool used by the perpetrator during the "rake-in!"

Gingerly stepping onto the diamond pile, I carefully reach in and push the drapes aside.  To my left is a computer monitor and to my right is a computer tower.  That both are dinosaurs would be obvious to even the most novice of techno-geeks.  I step through this new portal into The Den.  There is enough clear floor space for two steps side to side and I am astride the midline.  I'm unable to advance because of what used to be a computer desk before the Shuffle decided to nap on it.  A half-step to my right brings me within touching distance of the wall.  A half-step to my left moves me into interloper/cascading STUFF territory.  And so I find myself, like the would-be burglar, at an impasse!

My survey shows that nothing in that small, accessible area of The Den has been moved, touched, or removed.  I have three probable reasons for this:  1) The shattering of the glass awakened the Shuffle and it yawned or growled as the intruder entered The Den, frightening him off!  2) The erstwhile thief flashed his torch about The Den, said, "Screw this!" and headed off to easier pickin's.  3) We drove up just as he finished desecrating The Den's nether portal, and he hightailed it back over the fence!

I move the half step to my right and, leaning against the Shuffle's roost, I reach over and grab the handle of the guitar case.  Once I've carried it back around into the living room, I carefully open it.  My Dad's 1944 Gibson acoustic-electric guitar is still nestled inside unharmed.  After an affectionate strum or two, I reclose the case and tuck it away elsewhere.

Grabbing up a broom, I trek back around the house and sweep the diamond shards clear of the sliding glass doors track.  Once the track is clear, I slide the screen door over, blocking feline access into and out of The Den via the newly-formed portal.  

Smiling a thankful prayer skyward I request continued protection of our domicile until repair materials are acquired.  Then I return the broom to its proper resting place, enjoy a shower, get dressed and go to church.  And after church, we dine with my folks, as is our usual Sunday habit.

After lunch, I give my buddy, James, a call.  James drops by in his huge van and takes me to Home Depot.  There we purchase two sheets of plywood, several boards and some very long carriage bolts with washers and nuts.  We return to my humble abode and seal over the entire sliding glass door as if preparing for a major storm.

I opted to be the 'inside man' as I'm on good terms with the Shuffle, being it's
creator and all.  Once we're done sealing off the new portal to The Den, I use every ounce of my interloper's skills, acquired during previous foraging ventures, to navigate over and through the STUFF.  Finally I arrive safely in the hallway without having caused a single cascade!  Being extremely proud of this accomplishment, I celebrate by taking James out to dinner!  

Once again The Den is secure and its denizens, both natural and naturalized are free to cavort amongst the STUFF unmolested by outside forces!